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| From | Message | Posted by kestutis
intochess.com
4/16/2008
23:24:07
Play online chess |  Subject: Chess jokes
Message:
How about some jokes related to chess?
I found one that made me laugh outloud:
"So I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov - Problem was, we had a checkered tablecloth and it took him two hours to pass the salt!"
| Posted by chessnovice
intochess.com
4/17/2008
03:10:18
Play online chess | always been my favorite
Message:
A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
| Posted by taufiq
intochess.com
4/17/2008
04:37:56
Play online chess | ...
Message:
A chess master died at his chessboard - and after a few days, a good friend of his heard a voice; it was him!
"What's it like, where you are now," he asked.
"What do you want to hear first, the good news or the bad news?"
"Tell me the good news first."
"Well, it's really heaven here. There are chess tournaments with incredible classical, rapids and blitz sessions going on all the time 24/7 with Morphy, Stenitz, Pillsbury, Dr. Lasker, Capablanca, Alekhine, Dr. Euwe, Botvinnik, Bronstein, Tal, Petrosian, they're all here, and you can play any one of them at anytime."
"Fantastic!" the friend said, "so what is the bad news?"
"You have Black against Capablanca on Saturday."
———
Solving Bobby Fischer (book review) — In the summer of 1972, the world’s attention was directed toward Reykjavik, the capital of Iceland, to watch a championship chess match. Called “the Match of the Century,” the contest between the Russian chess champion, Boris Spassky, and the American challenger, Bobby Fischer, attracted that attention because of its cold war implications. But people were also fascinated by the mercurial Fischer — a prototypical genius whose incessant demands and unpredictability were more associated with the behavior of a diva than with what one expects from a master of a demanding game of logic. Fischer won the chess match in brilliant style, setting off a wave of enthusiasm for ...
Posted by akisame
intochess.com
4/17/2008
06:03:45
Play online chess | . . .
Message:
Beating your friend at chess - fun.
Beating Chewbacca at chess - wookie mistake.
———
Vasily Ivanchuk and Nigel Short produce memorable finish in Gibraltar — Gibraltar, backed by Tradewise Insurance, is the world's strongest open chess event next to Moscow Aeroflot. Its latest edition produced a memorable race as Vasily Ivanchuk and Nigel Short finished clear of the field with 9 and 8.5/10. The Ukrainian won their individual game, both had very high rating performances and Ivanchuk jumped to No5 in the world. Tradewise Gibraltar overlaps with the great Dutch chess event at Wijk and Zee and its dates are close to Aeroflot, yet it continues to gain in popularity due to the Rock's benign January climate, its high prizes and its efficient and friendly organisers. Its awards for women start with £10,000 for first, more than the winning man receives at ...
Posted by akisame
intochess.com
4/17/2008
06:22:07
Play online chess | . . .
Message:
A seaside town was hosting a world caliber chess tournament. Two days into the tournament, one of the competitors, finished with his game, decides to go for a swim. After a few minutes, he is heard crying out; it is discovered that a shark has taken a bite out of his leg. Everyone is alarmed, but assurances are given that the shark will be found, and it was after all small bite.
The next day another tournament player goes swimming, and his leg also has a bite taken out of it. Same thing the third day. Strangely, though there are other people at the beach, it is only the chess players that are being nibbled.
In an effort to assure the public and keep the tournament from collapsing, a strong net is placed around the beach and the queen is asked if she can intervene. "It is well known that you play chess, your Majesty. There is a protective net up now, and if you can swim safely, then the players will be reassured and the people can feel comfortable on our beaches again. The queen agrees, and goes for a quick swim. She has been out for only a minute when she yelps. She is quickly pulled out of the water, and her leg inspected. Lo and behold, another shark bite. This time however, it appears the shark dd not remove any flesh. The public is told tha queen has emerged in one piece.
The tabloids cannot resist the story.
The next day's headlines read "Queen's gam bit, declined."
———
King Tut in Chess Puzzles — King Tutankhamun, or simply King Tut, is the most famous Egyptian pharaoh. He was called the boy-king since he was only nine-years-old when his 10-year reign began in 1,333 B.C. He died at the age of 19 and his tomb, undisturbed for 3,245 years, was well-preserved when it was discovered in 1922 by Howard Carter. King Tut's golden burial mask became the symbol of ancient Egypt. But how did he make it into chess? Protecting a king is vital in every chess game and pawns are best suited to do the job. When the pawns surround the king in chess problems and studies, we see some beautiful and astonishing creations. Entombing the king became a popular theme among chess composers ...
Posted by ionadowman
intochess.com
4/17/2008
13:49:09
Play online chess | The rivalry...
Message:
... between Aleksandr Alekhine and Efim Bogoljobov was as intense as any the chessboard had seen, and the vitriol was never far from the surface. Finally, in exasperation, Alekhine told this story:
"Last night, I had a dream... I dreamed I had died, and was wafted to the gates of heaven. There I stood at the Pearly Gates accosted by St Peter, who asked my who I was.
Says I, 'I am Aleksandr Aleksandrovitch Alekhine, Chess Champion of the World!'
'Chess Champion!" says St Peter, "We don't allow chess players to enter the Kingdom of Heaven! To the nether place you must go!'
Well, feeling disconsolate, I was about to turn away, when who should drift by but Bogoljobov, complete with angel wings and halo, plinking a harp and floating on a cloud.
'Hang on a moment!" says I, "What about Bogoljubov here? He's a chess player and you let him in!'
'Bogojubov a chess player?" quoth the Saintly Doorkeeper,
'Nah! He just thinks he is!' "
Cheers,
Ion
———
Iranian Claims Chess Record — To the intense rivalry between Israel and Iran add another facet: the game of chess. In a literal game of one-upmanship, an Iranian chess grandmaster played 614 people simultaneously on Tuesday and Wednesday at Shahid Beheshti University in Tehran in an attempt to break a world record set by an Israeli chess grandmaster last October. According to a report in Agence France-Presse, the Iranian, Ehsan Ghaem Maghami, 28, won 590 games, lost 8 and drew 16 in an exhibition that took 25 hours. The Israeli grandmaster, Alik Gershon, 30, played 523 games over 19 hours, beating 454, losing 11 and drawing 58. Mr. Gershon broke the previous record set by ...
Posted by tag1153
intochess.com
4/18/2008
08:43:42
Play online chess | as told by Capablanca
Message:
"I was playing in a tournament in Germany one year when a man approached me. Thinking he just wanted an autograph, I reached for my pen, when the man made a startling announcement. 'I've solved chess!' I sensibly started to back away, in case the man was dangerous as well as insane, but the man continued: 'I'll bet you 50 marks that if you come back to my hotel room I can prove it to you.' Well, 50 marks was 50 marks, so I humored the fellow and accompanied him to his room."
"Back at the room, we sat down at his chess board. 'I've worked it all out, white mates in 12 no matter what.' I played black with perhaps a bit incautiously, but I found to my horror that white's pieces coordinated very strangely, and that I was going to be mated on the 12th move!"
"I tried again, and I played a completely different opening that couldn't possibly result in such a position, but after a series of very queer-looking moves, once again I found my king surrounded, with mate to fall on the 12th move. I asked the man to wait while I ran downstairs and fetched Emmanuel Lasker, who was world champion before me. He was extremely skeptical, but agreed to at least come and play. Along the way we snagged Alekhine, who was then world champion, and the three of us ran back up to the room."
"Lasker took no chances, but played as cautiously as could be, yet after a bizarre, pointless-looking series of maneuvers, found himself hemmed in a mating net from which there was no escape. Alekhine tried his hand, too, but all to no avail."
"It was awful! Here we were, the finest players in the world, men who had devoted our very lives to the game, and it was all over! The tournaments, the matches, everything - chess had been solved, white wins."
About this time Capa's friends would break in, saying "Wait a minute, I never heard anything about all this! What happened?"
"Why, we killed him, of course."
———
World’s Top Chess Players on Hand for Aeroflot Open — The Tradewise Gibraltar Chess Festival, which ended last week, is a popular chess tournament, attracting many strong players. And the World Open, which is held every year in the Philadelphia area around Independence Day, usually has more than 1,000 chess players between all its sections. But for sheer quality of competition, the annual Aeroflot Open, which starts on Tuesday, trumps them all. Sponsored by the Russian airline, the chess tournament is divided in three sections. The A group usually features many of the world’s top chess players, and this year is no different. Twenty-six of the world’s top 100 players are competing, and 73 of the 87 players in the top section are ...
Posted by caro-kann
intochess.com
4/23/2008
03:28:11
Play online chess | A horrible joke ;)
Message:
One weekend, a major chess tournament was held between lots of players. Each player played 4 games against everyone else in their group, then the winners of each group would do the same against each other. In the final match, the winner easily defeated the loser 4-0. However, this sort of tournament takes a long time, and goes from morning to afternoon. Lunch is served between games.
The press come in to congratulate the winner and to interview him. The first few questions go along swimmingly, however, the next question is not fully heard. The winner's reply is though :
I started out with two Fried Livers - really robust, strong openers - even I was surprised at my own audacity to try it. In the middle, I had a nice King's Indian - every piece complemented each other thorougly, with lots of depth in the preparation - a true flash of brilliance. To finish it off, I decided on the Danish. It was an interesting thing - the many layers and discoveries that were made. It was a sweet ending.
To answer your question, I thoroughly enjoyed that particular lunch.
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